I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
