If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
