Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize