maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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