i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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