you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize