We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
