I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
operation have a gay friend backfired
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
