i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
