atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
