There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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