White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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