There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
