Got a toothbrush?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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