Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
two words: eviction party
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
