Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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