i need an iv and a liver transplant
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
