Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize