I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
