she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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