Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
