Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
