I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
