How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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