you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
