i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
