Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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