I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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