the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
