drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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