I accidentally burped into my bong.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
