On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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