My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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