I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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