mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize