I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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