Nicole vs. Life
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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