wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
