A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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