***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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