i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
