dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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