This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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