At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
