if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
