Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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