If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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