I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
