do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
