i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
