One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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