yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
