3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
