i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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