this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
