At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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