I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
