I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
