My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
