It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
