I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
