i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's blow job season.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
