Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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